Yao to Quit

Yao Ming of the Houston Rockets recently reported that he will quit the game of basketball if his injured, big-toe-less foot doesn’t heal quickly. After the 30 year old, who is a statistical anomoly due to standing 6 feet taller than his fellow Chinese bretheren, missed last season because of his foot, he has passed on opting out of the final year of his contract for the option to be paid $17 million, which will be just enough to pay off the remaining Chinese citizens, each of which he has paid 1 US dollar over the years to vote him into NBA All Star games.

I had the chance to speak with President Obama on the issue, and he is hopeful as usual.

“With the national debt to China nearing $1.5 trillion, It would be nice to be able to subtract $17 million from the deficit. That money could really be used in places such as, say, New Orleans. They truly cannot afford to let that Chris Paul leave them. That city would be devastated,” said Obama, showing that despite his attempts to appear cool and hip on the sports scene, he actually has no clue how they work.

When asked about the comments, Yao insisted that he “is not in cahoots with the Chinese government,” and his big toe “was not actually cut off when he refused to cooperate and needed to be shown they are serious.” “Um, yea I mean that toe was just really infected due to my own negligence,” Yao continued, or at least that’s what his translator told us. But who knows? Its not like anyone here speaks a lick of Mandarin.

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