Not a Big Numbers Guy

Is it just me, or sometimes do you just fucking hate certain numbers? Like, totally despise them. For me this intense hatred toward man-made symbols of time generally occurs when I am waking up before work. Everyone has a time they set their alarm for, and everyone also has that certain time that you absolutely need to be out of bed by if you want to make it to work on time without rushing around like an asshole and dousing yourself in cologne instead of showering. I work third shift which starts at 11pm. I like to be up by 9 so I can shower, shave, eat, pack a lunch, stop for coffee, and do so leisurely. Now, I set my alarm for 800, basically so I can press the snooze button 6-7 times before actually getting out of bed. Yes, this is somewhat imposing cruelty upon myself by taking away an hour of normal sleep, but its how I deal. I have to trick myself into thinking I’m beating the system and getting extra sleep. And, surprisingly, even after doing this since high school, it still works. In those ultra-groggy-tired 5 seconds of finding the snooze button, I still get excited for 10 extra minutes of sleep, even though it’s not extra at all. It’s the best, most joyous part of my day. I swear, when this stops working I don’t know what I’m going to do. Once this stops working, I will need to seek alternate sources of inspiration. This at least lets me feel like I am a rebel slacker, and not a total slave to my alarm clock. I tell it, “bitch, I’ll get up when I want. Don’t think I’m just gonna jump up outta bed the minute you ring. Fuck you. Snooze bitch. I’ll get up in a bit. WHEN IM READY. zZzZzzZ.”
 
So with each passing snooze-button interval, I pretty much just get angrier and angrier at the big green numbers on the clock. 800 is kind of a neutral feeling—don’t hafta be up QUITE yet, and still have PLENTY of 10 minute snoozes left. It’s the 4’s and 5’s that I fucking despise. By 840 or 850, my limbo stage of free “extra” sleep is over and the sobering reality of extended awakeness sets in. The thing is, at this point I need to make a life decision. I could be responsible and get my lazy ass out of bed and take my sweet time with my daily prep and hygiene OR I can start an abridged version of the snooze cycle until 930. Then, though, I have to rush around like a jerk for a half hour unless I skip the shower, which then leads to being self conscious about my stink all night at work, which is a sinfully attractive option when I’m staring down those 4’s and 5’s.

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