A Letter to Dunkin Donuts

I ordered a coffee yesterday, medium regular and a splash of cream. When I took a sip it tasted awful, like someone urinated in a cup, diarreahed into it through a strainer and then put it in a microwave with a dead skunk and turned it on for 45 seconds. Then I ordered another one the next day because I thought it was maybe a bad pot. I got it with regular amount of cream, and it tasted the same awfulness described above plus more cream. This is when I realized I had been drinking Starbucks a lot lately which actually has flavor to it besides sugar and milk. I would rather roast a pound of my own dingle berries, grind them up and then filter water through it than to drink your coffee again. You are the Bud-light of coffee. AKA your coffee sucks. Do not send me coupons for free coffee. However, your bagels and donuts are de-lish, so feel free to send me coupons for those instead. Thanks, and have a great day.

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