Archive for the ‘ NBA ’ Category

Yao to Quit

Yao Ming of the Houston Rockets recently reported that he will quit the game of basketball if his injured, big-toe-less foot doesn’t heal quickly. After the 30 year old, who is a statistical anomoly due to standing 6 feet taller than his fellow Chinese bretheren, missed last season because of his foot, he has passed on opting out of the final year of his contract for the option to be paid $17 million, which will be just enough to pay off the remaining Chinese citizens, each of which he has paid 1 US dollar over the years to vote him into NBA All Star games.

I had the chance to speak with President Obama on the issue, and he is hopeful as usual.

“With the national debt to China nearing $1.5 trillion, It would be nice to be able to subtract $17 million from the deficit. That money could really be used in places such as, say, New Orleans. They truly cannot afford to let that Chris Paul leave them. That city would be devastated,” said Obama, showing that despite his attempts to appear cool and hip on the sports scene, he actually has no clue how they work.

When asked about the comments, Yao insisted that he “is not in cahoots with the Chinese government,” and his big toe “was not actually cut off when he refused to cooperate and needed to be shown they are serious.” “Um, yea I mean that toe was just really infected due to my own negligence,” Yao continued, or at least that’s what his translator told us. But who knows? Its not like anyone here speaks a lick of Mandarin.


Exactly what Sports Programming should Not be (ESPN)

Just read a great article by ESPN Ombudsman Don Ohlmeyer about “The Decision.” If I were to guess, it’s about 20,000 words long, and will take you you about 7.5 hours to read, but it is well worth it. Ohlmeyer touches on just about everything that was wrong with the spectacle, and what it means for ESPN. While this article is extremely interesting, informative, and pertinent not only to sports fans and even journalists, but to the whack-jobs at ESPN who green-light garbage sports news coverage, it is not surprising that this article was not featured on’s front page, or anywhere else for that matter. Unless you regularly search for “Don Ohlmeyer”, or visit the Commentary tab, you will have hard time finding it. Hell, even on their site’s own commentary page it isn’t even one of their featured articles. I stumbled upon the article via [Link] (because that’s where you go for quality news stories).

Anyway, I got to thinking about how shitty ESPN has become over the years, with “The Decision” being the epitome of everything shitty about them. Sportscenter sucks these days. First Take was a lot better when it was Cold Pizza. Mike and Mike are good, but if I want to listen to them, that’s what I have a radio for. Around The Horn and Pardon The Interruption are entertaining sometimes. The only good piece of original programming that ESPN has conjured up is SportsNation. . And after a stunt like “The Decision”, I really question the integrity of their sports broadcasts and live game coverage. In a related story, I am in love with Michelle Beadle.

The thing that sucks about all these shitty shows is that they are all the same shit. If you watch ATH and then PTI, you will learn nothing new about sports in the second half hour of your time. You can watch Sportscenter and then First Take, but eventually they cover the same stories, or non-stories. Mike and Mike is cool if you enjoy staring at a picture of whatever guest-that-noone-cares-about is on the phone for 10 minutes (it’s a radio show, why is it on tv? Oh, because you’re too dumb to think of anything original, ESPN). All of these programs simply give you the same sports information, only they have different people delivering it. The same tired stories about Brett Favre throwing a football at a high school and what color shirt he was wearing will be drilled into your head by the Sportscenter anchors. Turn to First Take to see Skip Bayless screaming about how his shirt was actually a different color than people are saying. Oh, and Mike Golick played in the NFL so who better to ask about whether or not Brett Favre should retire and what he may be thinking?

When im watching Sportscenter, all I want to see are game highlights and results, any trades that actually happenned, maybe some press conference footage, the top 10 plays (and on Fridays the not top 10), and maybe a LITTLE EXPERT analysis. Chris Broussard is not an expert, he’s just a terrible journalist who speaks matter-of-factly. Every sport needs their own Barry Melrose. And that’s it. I want the facts, and a few interesting tidbits from credible people.

What I don’t want to see on Sportscenter are stories about what Ben Rothlesberger said to his alleged victim when he was a little too drunk. That has nothing to do with sports. It’s distasteful. That’s what the internet is for. When I’m getting ready for work, wondering how that game ended last night, I don’t want to sit through an interview with some 17 year old girl about her being touched in a bathroom and Big Ben whipping out his dick. I don’t care how many women Tiger Woods boned. It is not sports related. If you want to cover that shit, that’s what you have 85 other channels for. Can you please leave one that is purely just for sports? Here’s an idea, have opinions on ESPN2, and the Rape and Dogfighting stories on ESPN News. There, was that so hard? It took me 8.7 seconds to think of that, yet you’ve been screwing it up for the past 10 years, ESPN.

The problem is that ESPN has gotten so big that they think sports are more important than they actually are, and they take it way too seriously. A blown call, or even a big game, should not be covered with the same intensity as the BP oil disaster. That’s why I love SportsNation. The rest of ESPN needs the same mentality. It’s sports. It’s entertainment. I don’t need serious discussion 24/7. Make fun of athletes. Please. They play games for a living and most of them contribute almost nothing to society besides keeping things like Lamborghini’s, Bentley’s, and rims that cost more than my parents’ house on the market. The old Sportscenter anchors seemed to show some funny potential, namely Scott Van Pelt, who made numerous Tenacious D references during his highlights. But I feel like he was probably held back from joking around too much by the big wigs at ESPN, since sports are such a serious matter. These days the anchors show their funny side once in a while, but we need more of it. The bottomline is that with the internet and smartphones, serious live discussion of sports on TV is obsolete. If I want to hear people argue about sports I have a radio. Or I can read some articles, wherever I am, on my phone.

In a related “What the FUCK, ESPN” question, their Bottomline has gotten completey out of control. Remember when it gave scores for games? It used to just tell me the score of every game from the night before. And it worked great. Then they added Stats. If I wanted to know more I either kept watching or logged on to my dial up internet and looked for more. Great. Now the bottomline tells you every fucking news story, every dsigusting athlete-rape quote, that you’re hearing them talk about at the same damn time!! It’s fucking dumb. We need some common sense. Who thinks this is a good idea? How do these idiots get these jobs?

I guess I just miss the good old days when you could wake up between 6am and noon and catch the same Sportscenter and find out what happened in the world of sports LAST NIGHT. Then they would play some classic sports games, in half an hour re-caps. Those were awesome. I learned about a lot of NBA greats that way.

Sports are about entertainment and ESPN is about informing us about it. Why, then, with about 5 different channels to divide their coverage, do they suck so greatly at it?

Hey Miami, Machiavelli Will Not Be Impressed

“It is not titles that make men illustrious, but men who make titles illustrious.” –Machiavelli

Ok so he may or may not have been talking about NBA titles here, but it still works. Having 2 of the top 3 or 4 players in the league (the world?) Chris Bosh, and Pat Riley running things, is kinda like being handed at least one NBA title. So the tile(s) that these uncompetitive douchers win are not really going to enhance their image or legacies at all. Nobody will ever think of any of them as the greatest ever. It will be remembered more as “Hey remember when those guys all played together? That was cool.” They will not be made illustrious by winning titles together in Miami.

Wade’s performance in the 06 finals made him illustrious. What Kobe has done post-Shaq has made him illustrious. What LeBron should have finished in Cleveland would have made him illustrious. Nobody is going to be impressed by this Miami team unless they go undefeated. I am hoping we will be disappointed.

After ‘Summer of LeBron’, Durant Should Be Your Favorite

Now, after the shameless, clueless, and sleezeball spectacle that was LeBron’s decision, Durant has clearly come away the big winner. Durant may or may not end up being a better basketball palyer than James, but he is by far already a better person. His low key announcement of his big contract extension with the Thunder showed us much greater character than anything LeBron has ever shown us. He describes himself as low-key, shy, and quiet, which in most cases translates into classy. His decision to play for Team USA this summer, and LeBron’s decison to not play, further demonstrates the disparity in their character. He did not let his ego get in the way after being cut from the 2008 Beijing Redeem Team.

Apparently, both James and Wade will be visiting Team USA in New York. Why? I guess for more attention. Another chance to hang out together like they will be doing in South Beach? So they dont want to play, but they have the time to just go and hang out for a little while and make the team wish they were playing for them. I guess its not that big a deal, LeBron, Wade, Kobe some others from the Redeem Team who have all declined to play this summer can still participate in the 2012 Olympics. And they better, because that is likely the last Olympics before the world ends, so, major bragging rights on the line.

Also illustrating the difference in Durant vs James’ character are two quotes;

Durant: “I doubt I’m the next face, I’m just another guy helping to bring a gold back to the U.S.”
James: “I want to be the first billion dollar athlete. Also, I am an arrogant, egotistical, bag of douche.”

James literally said that.

Hating on LeBron James

Listening to the new Eminem cd, which is actually very good, I realized that Eminem is more competitive than LeBron James. Here’s the proof, a line from one of his songs;

“To spaz with the pen, I’m a little bit sicker than most
Shit’s finna get thick again
They say the competition is stiff
But I get a hard dick from this shit, now stick it in
I ain’t never giving in again
Caution to the wind, complete freedom
Look at these rappers, how I treat ’em
So why the fuck would I join them when I beat ’em”

So basically, Lebron’s train of thought is “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em”, while Eminem has struggled through 3 or 4 self-proclaimed-as-not-good albums and worked hard to become good again at what he does, by himself, leading his own way.

So after this new album by Eminem, we know that he is one of the best rappers ever. People thought that his first 3 albums were only successful because they were controversial, and that he was only talented because he was on drugs. Then he let out 3 laughable albums and everyone said it was because he was no longer on drugs. Now he refocuses and puts out a great album, using a few prominent rappers (Lil Wayne, Rihanna, etc) in featured roles and proves that he is genuinely talented. If he were more like LeBron, he would have called up Jay-Z or Kanye West and offered to play a major role on one of their albums.

I am never a fan of comparing current sports stars to past greats, but if there was ever going to be a present day equivalent to Michael Jordan, LeBron is entirely out of the question. Scottie Pippen, maybe. Nothing wrong with Scottie Pippen, but as a sports fan, it’s just disappointing to watch a superstar bitch out and team up with his rivals and not get to watch one of the potentially greatest players ever be just that.